Essay for
August 2005

A 'Silent Hug'

Love is one of the most abused, misused and overused word of all languages. It normally expresses a feeling or emotional connection but can cover an expansive range of meanings from superficial waffle to heartfelt revelation. It is used in such diverse ways that its true meaning can be lost in a wilderness of self-centered superficiality exposing vulnerable patterns of living and longing resting upon conditionality, where the apparent giving contains a demand for its return.
The word love is potentially losing its value to express the sincerity of a genuine connective link of one to another. Unseen conditions are subliminally being imposed upon its unconditional nature, requiring a positive acknowledgment in order to maintain itself, creating conditionality. However, for love to be honest it must be unconditional; as every other form of expression demands its return. Love not returned creates rejection that easily converts to anger and retribution. Conditional love is a double-edged sword used to protect oneself and slay others that infringe that protection.

Expressing what love is not, is easy. Expressing what it is, uses words to convey a meaning but the words are never it. No matter how eloquent love is expressed, the words rarely capture the true depth of intensity they are attempting to convey, as all words live with their restrictive meaning, and genuine love is unrestricted or unconditional. Consequently, language is imbued with its own limitation that can only point at a meaning. If that pointing is taken as what it is, the meaning has been missed. If words cannot adequately express love, then how is love communicated?

Expressing love normally follows the well trodden path of giving something to demonstrate that love exists. The big gifts are intended to convey a big love, while something handmade creates a more intimate and personal message. However, these are all 'things'. Even if the intent of the giving is well founded the 'things' over time, no matter how expensive or personal, gradually lose their significance as they appear to contain an inherent value-elapse date. The 'things' used to express love live within the immediate and appear to hold no sustaining power.
Expressing love, if not contained in words or things, is reduced to acts. Acts of love, at first blush, appear to be contained within the willingness to do anything at anytime for the one loved. However, that is conditional in the guise of unconditional. If the acts are repulsed the conditional aspect arises, creating depression founded upon rejection; or creates exterior superficial acts of apparent disinterested bravado harbored within a potential boiling cauldron of hostility.

Acts of love, to carry any real sense of honesty, are always unconditional where the giving is not even thought about as giving. The act is self-contained, existing within the simplicity of the doing. Surprisingly enough those acts are normally not the big ones you tend to read about, but the little ones that go unnoticed by everyone expect the recipient. Tiny acts of being supportive, acts of kindness, empathy, thoughtfulness and patience reveal an open and unguarded nature conveying a connection that bonds the heart of the giver to the heart of the receiver. That unity is bonded by a silent trust contained within that unguarded act, allowing both the giver and receiver to be condition free. The moment the giving is response (condition) free, the receiver exists in the same freedom, as he or she is equally response free. That dual freedom embodies an unseen mutual trust as a foundation for that connective liberty. The response to the act of giving is then contained within the giving. It is unconditional. This entire process occurs within a bond of knowing silence where not one word is used or necessary. It is identical to when a little child looks into the eyes of a parent or sibling, for no particular reason gives them a hug and walks away. It can be a melting moment in ones existence and not one word has been spoken, but that silence thunders a gargantuan connective intensity. Underlying that intensity is an all-pervading trust that is silently communicated by the action.

How often in ones lifetime do those moments occur? When they do, they are treasured above all else. Years later all the gifts and 'things' are forgotten, but that one moment is not. That moment is an expression of love, as the giving is contained within itself. By being contained (unconditional), it allows the doors of an unspoken personal connection to pulsate into life of its own volition. The giving has not conditioned a response; it frees or releases the receiver to be in resonate accord with the giver, and it all occurs in silence.

The same process occurs with whatever or however you conceive a creator source. The 'things' you may do in an attempt to connect to that creator fails in comparison to a connection arising out a non-physical 'silent hug', and leaving it at that. That 'silent hug' is a giving that is returned by the giving. It is all self-contained or unconditional. Many try to love a creator, doing acts to demonstrate that love. No matter how good and beneficial they are, they miss the point. The 'missing the point' is felt, as you may feel good about yourself for doing those activities but you do not necessarily simply feel good. The 'yourself' is included in the act, which is a slippery method of establishing a sense of inclusion, restricting the act and the result, potentially enhancing the self-importance of the giver. It is a form of backhanded conditionality.
That 'feel good' feeling standing on its own only arrives when the giving or doing is unconditional, and it does not arise because of what is given or done. The conditional may make you feel good about yourself, but the unconditional ignores that self. With no sense of self doing or giving, the act turns inward at the same time as it moves outward, converting it into the heartfelt sensation of feeling good, as there is no sense of self there to claim it as its own. The act connects straight to your creator source, bouncing back as a confirmation, simply making you feel good. It is a 'silent hug' that is simultaneously hugging the giver and receiver, bonding one to the other in that sharing moment.

Remove the sense of self from the action and you have removed the barrier between the action and its confirmation. With the sense of self in control, that self will always absorb the confirmation energy to uphold itself, thereby, missing the confirmation as that self just feels good about itself but does not necessary feel good. There is no 'silent hug'.

Understanding the word love must have an intellectual foundation to stand upon or it will always wither and die. All your actions in the physical world parallel or stand upon that foundation, and are confirmed by not allowing your sense of self to strengthen with the action. With the sense of self, that requires recognition for the action, not present; the action contains no barriers allowing a confirmation energy to engender the essence of your being. And it simply feels good, identical to a 'silent hug'.

The next time you feel isolated in a large universe and want to establish the reality of a creator force, give someone a 'silent hug' by a simple act of kindness or thoughtfulness. Those simple acts come as a surprise to the recipient as no one expects them anymore, which has to be a condemnation of the direction our civilization is taking. By perpetuating those acts of thoughtfulness, compassion, kindness etcetera, you also no longer feel isolated in a large universe, as those acts create an unseen bond that you can feel, as they simply feel good, which is confirmation. You give a 'silent hug' and it is silently returned, which is love in action.

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